Flipping a Coin.

Remember that job opportunity I was pursuing? 

Well, they called again for the technical interview, the third time!

Even though I already had gotten promoted, I went ahead with it because I hadn’t given a technical interview that remote and that’s conducted by the global office. It was something worth the experience at least.

Last Monday, I took a half day, came home and gave that interview. It went great because I already decided I will just be myself, I have nothing to lose and I will just stay confident. The only thing I kept handy was the work I have already done.

On Friday I went to the firm because my Senior line manager got promoted and is a Director now, so he was throwing a lunch. And I was dying to meet my friends, I knew its not gonna be easy to face them after that promotion email. But nothing changed in their behaviors towards me. They were just the same.

I was there went I got this call from this new potential employer.

And the offer they made left me stumped.

The position offered is 2 positions above my current one (even after promotion). The basic pay is more than double. A lot of traveling and good traveling allowances.

But I couldn’t even smile for once. 

My current employers gave me a very much-needed 2nd chance to enter corporate through a big firm after a huge career gap.

They promoted me in half of the required duration. And they have been justifying it. I heard “nobody is going to compare with her, she deserved it” from a guy I thought doesn’t even like me.

I told my close work friends and they were like “what are you even thinking just go”

But I was like… Idk I just can’t bring myself to.

I called dad and he agreed with me, it doesn’t feel like the right thing to do.

But this other firm is the only firm after my own that is worth considering for me. These 2 are at the top. So if I miss this one, there is no next opportunity any time sooner.

I was battling thought when dad said come home we will talk about this.

I talked to dad and Sam and another work friend and unintentionally I found myself defending my current firm.

I remembered I quote.

“Flip a coin. When it’s in the air, you’ll know which side you’re hoping for.”

So it was invisible coins being flipped everytime I was talking to somebody about it and unintentionally I was defending my current firm giving all the reasons why I should be staying.

To justify it logically, I made a list of pros and cons and my own preferences. It’s move of an attempt to add logic to my emotional stance so that I don’t look like an idiot to myself.

But this just feels like the right thing to do.

I have taken this weekend to decide. I’m still not 100% sure. But I will feel guilty as hell if I switch.

Idk what I’m doing. I hope I make the right decision for me and I hope I don’t regret it later.

…

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