Just Rambling Away

Do you have one of those days when you are dying of panic thinking about all the things you have to do, with strict deadlines?

It makes your shoulders tense and then you just can’t work.

But when you sit down and have a look at the list, it’s not that bad.

Everything is pretty doable. Things are still under uncontrol (if I keep working on it)

Then why my mind keeps telling me “there are a million things and you are slacking. Things are out of your control and you are losing”

Idk why.

My mental health clearly hasn’t been too good.

I was really afraid of the reaction from the upper management after my resignation, but surprisingly things have been going well so far. They actually said “you have earned a good reputation at the firm and it will be a setback” which is a big deal.

Now one director is left and he has the hulk transformation whenever he sees a resignation. He screams like we owe our blood sweat and life and soul to this guy. I’m yet to face him. Wish me luck.

I heard from one more guy that this new employer allows remote work which is the biggest blessing I swear.

I spend half of my pay on my commute and that’s not even a comfortable one. It kills me. I come home as a broken Wall-E about to fall apart.

I already keep thinking about all the things I can do with the time and money I will save there.

But there are 3 months to go…

3 FKING MONTHS!

And all this time they will squeeze out every drop of my energy and patience.

I need a plan to get through this. It’s not gonna be easy. i’v marked it on a calender and only 5 days are gone so far.

On the other hand, this new firm keeps sending me links every day to update my info. So yesterday I was filling out my verification form.

It required me to write about all the places I lived in the last 10 years. 

now… I changed 5 homes in Dubai!

So I had to fill in 6 addresses (5 in Dubai and 1 in Pakistan).

It pained me to go through emails and pictures and whatnot to search all of my addresses and the durations I lived there.

The process made me go through a lot of things connected to a bad relationship. But the weird part was, I felt nothing.

Nothing at all.

The homes, the people, and even myself.

I was looking at myself and it didn’t feel like it was me.

Do you have this feeling when you are looking at your picture of a phase you have come out of, and it feels like you are looking at a stranger.

I felt like a stranger to myself.

Sam said, “because you are not the same person”.

IDK it’s just weird.

Well.

That’s all folks.