Rambling away

Hey people

Just here to vent, because Sam is busy. nothing imp tho


I have too much to cover and I’m exhausted.. not just exhausted exhausted, I’m every-bone-crushed exhausted.

But I wont sleep without this verbal projectile, 

On Friday me and my closest work friend were almost on the verge of crying. Our common pain being “we are turning into persons we actually aren’t”

We got horrible, disrespectful, cheap and weird jerks to train this audit period and it’s been nerve-wrecking to say the least. 

And they pushed us to the point where we had to get strict.

There were times I had to literally use very hard tone with the guy I had to train because he had tested all of my patience. 

I had a long list of complaints with I was really holding because I didn’t want to harm anybody’s career and in the end he pushed me to a point where I had to inform managers that this has been going on, there’s deadline on our head and he is giving me really tough time. The worst part he wasn’t working, assuming he had zero accountability.

I’m not this person who complains, who uses hard tone, who get visibly mad at somebody in a professional setting but I had to. 

I have been crying everyday with guilt and also with the fact that a kid is having so much impact on my mental health where he just keeps laughing like a psycho.


I can’t even begin how crazy family situation still is. Just few more days then this other sis will also leave so you try to do your best you can to help them. With means cradling kids when you have work and all of your weekend chores going on. 

Then suddenly there was an internal assignment of firm where I had to fill in as functional consultant. Which is huge deal because this is really cook project. But I need super-power level of energy to manage that during audit period.

But guess what.

Something really funny happened.

The client was loosing it saying that there were some issues. Now I was new to this and had no idea what are they even talking about. But I just starting paddling and felt that I’m getting somewhere. My own team was looking at me because for them I was the specialist, and the other team thought the same. And you know how I’m managing that? By staying confident. 

We have meeting everyday and everyday I’m just using basic logic because I have no time to study. And trying to throw all the balls back into the client’s court. And it’s working. Third day I was laughing so hard at how did I even do it. But then it’s all about confidence. 

I better try to find some time and do it coz I can’t just keep doing this forever.

Also I got more work but an area of work I wanted to do but I didn’t get the opportunity. Now I did. But again same problem, I only have limited hours in a day.

I’m bing eating horribly!

Eating like a raccoon. It’s all junk and I look like absolute mess. At one time my brother was like, have you seen mirror? You are scaring kids.

Idk if I’m doing the right thing by getting my hands in so many things at once. 

I thought I will take a break and wont do anything. But then I went on to order something online and suddenly it was 7 pm. I started somewhere at 1 pm maybe…

Ans just like that Saturday was gone…

Then Sunday is gone too…

I’m trying to cope by having tons of snacks and listening Seinfeld and watching space force.

And oh, you know what I got lost browsing??? Perfumes. Recently my family got to know I wanted some, so anybody who had to give me anything gave me perfumes. Now I have too many but idk why it’s turning into an obsession.

And perfumes are expensive af!

Honestly at this point everything is suddenly expensive af.

Economic situation of our country is scary, and getting scarier everyday. I will sit with dad once things settle a bit and go some budgeting because we can’t just keep going like this.

Oh. Anyone having any experince with ChatGPT?

I’m intersted in what is it and how it works. I have a few experiments in mind.

But I tried to login today and when I entered my number I got restricted and got the message the region belonging to this numbber is suspecious.

like.. Congratulations Mirza there’s one more service you can’t avail because of your region. 

Like I still don’t have print version of my own book.

And can’t buy book by indie/self-published authors.

Very few times it accidently let me purchase a book and everytimes that happened I tried to buy as many as I could to support my fellow writers but then suddenly region issues comes in.

I have multiple failed purchase attemp emails for each book I tried to buy.

It’s just sad for both ends. Authors can’t tap every market, and I don’t get to support my fellow writer, alot of them have supported me when my book came out.

How did I get to this bbook subject idk.

Sam’s sisters are visiting her so I cant talk to her. And maybe that’s why I’m here rambling away.

I miss her. But she needed this. And so did her sisters.

Honestly I don’t blame all these service providers, I know the shit that goes on here.

You knows what. Suddenly so many people are leaving our country that our airports is insanely crowded all the time. 

You cant get trolleys and porters because it’s like everyone just have to leave asap.

Can’t blame them. Things are looking bad.

Inflation is skyrocketing because of newly imposed budgets and all the costs trickling down to consumers. 

The increase in taxes + the price increments from business being dumped on consumers + just general inflation.

Everyone is charging their own prices. 

And you pay anything when you don’t have time to look around. I recently have overpaid for things I know I could get way cheaper.

And my sis got handed an outrageous bill by her tailor and when she tried to ask the breakdown of bill she was told “you were getting everything at doorstep”. 

like… okayy…

She has 25 dresses with this tailor. 

Idk man.

Tomorow is monday.

And I will have crazy amount of work.

And I’m thinking I should have ways to cope with it.

March is going to be very difficult

I’m taking all this work because I want to learn faster.

But it does give me mini heart attacks.

Sometimes it scares me.

I’m just trying to secure my future because I can’t trust anyone.

It’s scary because this is not the system I’m raised in. We have inter-dependent systems but I ended up in this situation where I knew I will have to be independent or I will just have very shitty life. Don’t want to be a burden on anybody.

But it doesn’t scare me a little when I see some men/boys having horribly misogynistic mindset. They are disrespectful to women no matter what age, what position they are in.

 My early promotion has created some problems for me.

Some people are visibly upset for no reason. And some people just can’t digest it. We still have people who thing it’s a sin to take orders from a female boss. They recent anything told by a women and need to crosscheck it with a male team member. It’s been happening to me and it’s disturbing.

This guy/kid single-handedly is trying to give this impression that I can’t manage or I’m incompetent.

But enough of crying. I wont let this happen. 

If I was incompetent, I wouldnt be promoted before my colleagues and I’m going to get this special raise based on my performance too.

So fuck him!

He has really gotten to me but I will try to remember what dad said about him “he is a small fly”

I was just trying to be nice and treating him equal, but some people dont deserve it.


Ramble over!


3 thoughts on “Rambling away

Add yours

  1. My God, you do have a lot on your plate right now. Take a deep breath and deal with things one at a time. You deserved your promotion and are capable of handling it. Start from there. All the best.


  2. That’s a lot to unpack, and I’m glad you mentioned the “misogynistic mindset.” Because I was going to ask, when you mentioned holding in comments about this guy’s mistakes and incompetence, if you’d have given as much leeway to a woman? And it’s not complaining to state someone isn’t doing the job. That’s just reporting a fact 😊


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: