It’s been such a hard week. Extremely difficult week after a long time. Even thought during this long time, a lot happened that was hard to deal with.
Transitions put your sanity to test, and it’s not an easy one.
I don’t know what triggered me. I can remember the night this spell/episode/phase started.
I heard the news of a very very distant relative. I never even met her. But that triggered something. I haven’t been sleeping since, I’m so anxious my shoulders are constantly tense and they start hurting every now and then.
every tiniest thing has been triggering me since. i can’t eat and i have lost 3 kgs in last 10 days.
I have tried everything. art, writing, talking to friends and family, everything I could think of and I can’t help myself.
It’s sad how hard people around me are trying to help me but I’m failing all of them horribly.
My friends and siblings aren’t leaving me alone, because I’m so scared to be alone right now. I cry all the time. Idk wtf is wrong with me.
I miss C so badly she had some magical skill. She would talk to be in my hardest times and things would get so much better.
I don’t have a reason to feel this way.
Actually maybe I do.
I’m starting over my whole life from next month and I have so many fears. What if I can’t get a job
What if I can’t study further?
What if I just fail at life?
What if I’m not able to do what I claimed I will?
I made some tough decisions and they were 100% necessary. I know for the fact that I didn’t have choice. Things could get way worse.
I have incredible support from friends and family but sometimes I hide from them because they will get too worried.
Sometimes I wish I could just talk to someone without fearing they might get worried because of me, worse they might get hurt.
I don’t regret my decisions, I don’t even regret my past. Everything that happened taught me something.
But I’m so scared of future.
Why did C have to go so soon, she always had the right answers. Why do God have to take the good people from our lives?
I don’t know what’s happening and when it will be over but it’s so hard to deal with. Idk what to do.