My Angel, C

We never know what’s going to hit us next, but if you have the right people around you, life gets easier to deal with. They pull you in their warm embrace and build a protective shell around you.

That’s what my C was to me.

She flew into my life in the most painful phase. I had just lost my mom, my dad was seriously ill and hospitalized, my ex-husband and his family were turning my life into living hell. I could lose shelter any moment.

Sometimes I would be numb with depression, other times I would be shaking with hearing-voices-seeing-flashes kinda anxiety.

She emailed me, I talked to her just a little fearing who this unknown person could be.

One day I was having a fit with anxiety, I remember telling her something in a few lines, can’t remember what it was. And she started contacting help-lines and shelter homes in Dubai,  when she lived in US.

She didn’t even know my name!

She became my riend that day and we were inseparable after that.

We moved from emails to hangouts to zoom to WhatsApp. We would talk everyday about everything.

If I start listing subjects it will turn into a book with multiple volumes. We were virtually living together.

Doing random things like watching panda cam together and inhabiting our imaginary bomb shelter. This girl had actually looked into option of buying small remote island and checked for how much a kidney is sold, just in case we were done with this world.

 Bad news: you can’t buy an island with a kidney, not even with both of them.

She would look for silver linings when shit hit fan, sometimes I would get pissed by that but she wouldn’t give up. 

She was a true warrior.

We both suffered from anxiety, that’s why we got along so well. We understood each other, never judged, never doubted always took each other on face value. This allowed us to open up to each other and that got us through terrible times.

We picked each other up. She is only person who I could believe when she told me “dude I will never leave you alone”

I can still hear it.

She was beautiful inside out, had an incredible academic record and a successful career and took awesome pictures. In many ways she was an inspiration.

Always learning about something new and would drag everyone into it. Recently it was painting, and she was getting really good at it.

It was her who told me I could make money from the confines of my home and it’s ok to start small. she even bought and proofread my book for me and sent me videos, since it wasn’t available in my country.

She was always there for me, always one text away. Even though she had a very busy life.

She gave me confidence to break out of my problems and stood by me when I did that.

Why do I call her an angel?

Because she came in my life when I had hit rock bottom and shattered.

And she left when I had picked up my pieces, fought for myself and finally was settling into a safer environment and situation. 

Her mom told me she would say “if I can help one person, it’s all worth it” 

She not only helped me, she saved me, protected me, stood by me and believed in me. She was my strength, now I feel crippled without her.

I can never stop needing her. 

I keep saying I will never find another friend like her because there’s nobody like her.

She was so special. She was one of those people who would do anything to make you happy.

She was the most compassionate person I have ever met. She would care about everything and anything, be it people, animals plants she would start seriously caring about a wall.

She loved like me. She was vulnerable like me. We got each other.

I used to call us “last two anxious brain cells” as we had similar energy levels. We both were hyper all the time.

And now I’m just…

I try not to lose her voice that was always around helping me, guiding me, supporting me and ask myself “what would C say” because she always had the right answer.

She will always live in my heart as an inner voice.

For me, she was an angel who pulled me out of the web I was stuck in. I will never stop being grateful for her presence in my life.

Kindly remember her in your prayers.

P.s. due to privacy reason I am not sharing her picture but the featured image is of her favorite stuffed toy Raja.

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