I f***ed up!

I started writing this post on a serious note but then I felt my heart racing again and I said “f*** it” we will do it my way.

Guys, I screwed up.

Let’s go back to pre-COVID era when I was working and it was cold windy and rainy and my office was having a nasty management fallout (thanks to a horrible flashed-inducing call from ex-boss), I was running on a rodent wheel on a speed of wifi.

Then nature slammed the brakes hard and I was suddenly ejected from the wheel and landing at my dad’s place.

My safe house.

Now tell me what would you do if you had no restrictions, no schedule, you could do whatever you want and didn’t have to worry about anything, at least for a few months.

Maybe you would make better decisions, but I assumed the position of a blanket that was meant to lay immobile on a bed or couch.

A blanket that has only one coping mechanism, EATING!

(there are more but don’t relate to this post)

So for the last 4 to 5 months, my only reason to exist was recklessly consuming food that’s close to being labeled poison.

Then there were random anxiety pangs.

Sometimes, I don’t register anxiety as a mental issue as it directly and indirectly harms my body sooner than my expectation.

It’s that train on the end of the tunnel that hits you when you are on your 3rd donut.

When I’m anxious I crave carbs and I binge like there is no tomorrow.

Cut to today, I have cycles of breakout, lethargy, excess 2 kgs, which isn’t that bad given the magnitude of carb intake.

But shit got serious when I noticed my breathing and heart rate isn’t normal.

10 minutes of cleaning and I was lying down panting like a giant walrus.

I have turned my body into a toxic waste dumping ground and it’s my fault.

No matter how strict the lockdown was, if I was getting food I could always opt for healthier options.

Honestly, healthy eating is simple just ask your grandparents and they will tell you a far healthier diet plan than the internet.

It’s common sense and basic knowledge of nutrition.

So, it’s time I start working on a damage control strategy since first you go to a zero from negative and I’m oceans-deep into negative right now.

Feel free to share your healthy diet tips in the comments below.

Healthier times start now!

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Kindly visit my post Warriors Invited To Raise Mental Health Awareness where I am inviting Mental Health Warriors to submit their blog’s address so that we can join hands to control this wildfire.


37 thoughts on “I f***ed up!

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  1. I too have been working on my diet, and the best way I can maintain mine is by just making sure I do my best for the day. I’m not even thinking about dinner in the morning. Just how can I best eat my next meal. It’s a tough path, but it’s worth it, and I’m wishing you all the best on your journey too!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. i get anxious if i don’t have things planned so it might not work for me. i would prefer being fat over anxious. but one day at a time is always an effective strategy so i will blend both. meal planning in advance (coz i have to get groceries accordingly) then go day by day. hope i make sense. Thanks 🙂
      All the best to you too.


  2. That’s okay dear, Start small and you will get there, Designate one time for a fruit and one time for dry fruits. In a week you will feel the good effects and i am sure you can start reducing junk slowly. Please don’t go cold turkey, do something sustainable and easy on you.😃
    Also go for 3 cups of green tea, i won’t vouch for it’s goodness but it will definitely lead to less consumption of sugar laden coffee or tea😃😃😃
    Keep us posted ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Okay, I’ll accept the challenge; “Now tell me what would you do if you had no restrictions, no schedule, you could do whatever you want and didn’t have to worry about anything, at least for a few months”…I have not had the ‘unfortunate luxury’ of having time off from work; my work is health, specifically, respiratory health, so I have been working while others are, in various ways, spending time doing what ever they want. I have thought to myself; “Wow! I would love to have some time to do whatever I’d like and get paid MORE than what I am making while working”…but I don’t like uncertainty so I am grateful. However, back to YOU, IMHO…Your issue isn’t eating/dieting. No, your issue is that you have not yet recognized that your spirit, the one that is residing in (your) human-be-ing,
    is not being fed. What feeds a spirit? Curiosity, challenges, learning, doing, growing, loving, laughing, LIVING. You – and many others like you – have been handed an opportunity that many of us did not receive and one that you’d never otherwise get – to be quiet for a few moments and think, “What am I curious about? What would I like to DO with my time (that’s allowable considering Covid)? What would feed my Soul and bring me some joy?” And then go about DOING what your heart wants to do. It doesn’t matter what it is or how good it is or if it’s ‘productive’ or ‘useful’ or any other question of judgment on you ‘thing’. Just DO things, MAKE things; wire jewelry, birdhouses, dust-bunny art, paint rocks, walk your dog, walk someone else’s dog, start a box garden, dry flowers and then glue them to lampshades,…BE CREATIVE. I guarantee you, when you follow your curiosity and invite your creative spirit to join you, you will forget about dieting, … you’ll probably forget to eat.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do realize i was fortunate enough to survive and actually have a great time with my family. this lockdown accidently brought all of my family under one roof after years and for months! in a lot of ways we needed that.

      this has been an opportunity for creative growth too, and there were a few things i had to figure out but i didn’t have time so these months have been feeding my spirit well too. most of it is documented on my blog.

      I can’t deny the fact that i haven’t been kind to my body and now I’m paying for it. accepting a problem is the first step towards fixing it. my creative journey is an on-going thing but i clearly need to make concious efforts to get healthier, heart racing after fw steps isn’t my normal.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Many of us are in the same situation, myself included. Without putting in the work, my body is not as healthy as I’d like it – for my comfort, not b/c how I ‘look’. Good luck.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve seen a few spaghetti’s go by with zucchini noodles? (Obviously lower carb). Will you allow a play upon words not to mean desparagingly upon the language and culture they are from? It’s just sounds like nonsense!?? Fatoush oh how you should eat a regiment of it!!! Yes yes fat toosh (behind, butt, bum) and we all know that’s a salad! In lighter carbohydrate times, there is the temptation rye! As in rye bread. It’s 1/3 less everything to any wheat, but does require some as it’s rather against leavening on its own.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. i think i have seen zucchini noodles too. and squash noodles, not a huge vegetables fan tho but i can try.
      oh fatoush, it’s common here and i don’t hate it. how come that pun never crossed my mind. i think i have had rye bread but never thought of it as a healthier option. thanks for letting me know 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. https://youtu.be/LbhYqV17CoQ
        Just in case you still have a dash of couch-itis
        But really,
        Conjuring richard simmons for you 😁
        Another move it song that’s crater old hee hee
        Egads, sakes! Mr seever
        This stirs me, heheh to turn off the sound at least, bit too go go juice for me! 😉
        But a good 30 minutes with proper stretching not musically represent ed so as to derail to move-it in favor of a bon bon and couch .


  5. I have changed a few things in my eating habits and diet. They have not even been extreme changes or like restrict diets and it has worked. I do not own a scale currently, but I have lost noticeable weight in the past month and I feel a lot better physically. My job is very physical and fast paced, and I have been pretty active outside of work too before I changed my eating habits, but the problem was I wasn’t losing any weight, I was actually gaining weight and felt awful at work. I was super sore and sluggish. lol. That is what made me realize it was my eating habits. All I have changed is…A bit more balanced diet and I have lessened my portion sizes. I found smaller portions is really helping. I am also drinking a lot more water. We are trying to make like different meals too every night, because we were at one point eating red meat almost every night of the week, so we have tried to change that up with things like chicken etc. More veggies, less carbs etc. I am not a believer of diet drinks, I am not a believer of low carb noodles that taste like crap. lol I am a believer that if you eat spagetti one night a week it won’t hurt you. I believe you shouldn’t drink much pop anyways and if you do once or twice a week isn’t the worse thing. People have this belief these ‘healthier’ drinks and food is like the way to a healthy lifestyle, but it really isn’t it is just the latest trend. I truly believe a good balanced diet and if you don’t over dulge on the same crap everyday you are okay. Too much of anything is bad. Not enough of something can also be bad. Diet soda if you drink it everyday you will end up with equal health problems as if you were to drink regular pop. Diet drinks and sugar free candy is more for those with diabetes or don’t have the option to enjoy the things that we do. Instead it became this really stupid trend. When I see people fill up their shopping carts with like 5 12 packs of diet pop it makes me want to throw up. lol. Yet I see especially obese people do this all the time. It’s comical, but sad. As for exercising or being more active start small amd work your way back into it. Anything that gets you a bit sweaty and keeps your heart weight up is exercising and it is good for you. Speed walking, dancing etc are all forms that can be good for you. You don’t have to be a gym addict or a jogger to get back into shape. Like that, my job I basically count as my personal physical work out or exercise because it is so fast paced and physical. I sweat my butt off at work and my heart rate stays up as if I was running a marathon. Lol. So I would just work on little changes to your diet and being a bit more active slowly. I believe you can do it, and I am telling you it is not hard. If you make it seem like you are restricting yourself or seem like work it will be difficult. Make positive changes in a way it seems normal I guess.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. how come you are not a health expert?
      you pointed out everything I heard from nutritionists. i agree with you on all of that. and i think i was following all of this at least 60% before lockdown. i was even going to gym whenever i got chance. and i was walking a lot so that lifestyle was good.
      but you know whats funny i wouldnt lose weight, i toned and looked and felt better but my weight wouldnt budge in fact i would gain when i was going to gym. so i dont really focus on weight i think keeping track o9f your measurements is a better option.
      Thanks for sharing your have a very sane lifestyle health wise. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha…Maybe I should have chose something in the health career. 😛 Nah, it’s just from my personal experience. Which sometimes can be better than hearing from the experts. xD

        Yeah, it’s good to get out to the gym and walks. The lock down kinda put everything to a screaming halt. I was lucky I was still employed as grocery stores never closed down etc, and that my job was physical or I am sure I would have gained a lot more weight in lock down. Lol.

        Sometimes you will tone up more or even gain weight when working out at first. Doesn’t fat turn into muscle or something? I forget how that side of things work, as I was never interested in being toned or what have you. I agree it is more important to pay attention to other things like measurements or even calorie intake. Probably also important in what you put out or work out as well if that makes sense, but I am not entirely sure. See I am not an expert on everything. I am only interested more so in being a somewhat more healthier weight and feeling comfortable to be able to do active stuff. When I was getting sore at work with hardly doing anything was a huge wake up call for me when I first switched shifts at my work. I went from working on days where you get a lot of breaks from customers or being able to scan stuff and not stalking all day to going to the night shift and all we do is stock Carrying heavy cases etc. I work in all the aisles now too so there is like no avoiding the drink aisles, water or huge cases of laundry detergent. Where on days I had two aisles that were just my own and only the pasta sauce cases were heavy. xD There is also a quota on our night shift they want you to be able to stock like 70-80 cases an hour or more, because the job has to get done every night. So yeah, I was like WHY AM I NOT LOSING WEIGHT…I AM WORKING AND SWEATING SO MUCH MORE etc. lolll xD But it was my excessive junk food and eating too much fast food. Cutting back on it and finding better meal plans has helped tremendously. I use to also eat until I was so full I would feel sick. I no longer do that anymore and bam I am losing weight every week it seems and continue too. I feel so much better. It is not so much about wanting to look better, I just want to feel better.

        Anytime and I am sure you can get your lifestyle back on track too. Like that it doesn’t have to feel like work or that you are restricting yourself so much.

        Oh one more thing I forgot to mention, I am a sucker for junk food, especially chocolate and ice cream. It is very hard not to eat ice cream everyday in the summer time, but I am doing it. I may buy some next week, as a treat, but like I have cut back a lot. I am also a huge sucker for the chocolate/peanut butter combo. If it was healthy I would eat reese peanut butter cups everyday and not feel guilty. Haha. But instead I will opt for buying the reese puffs cereal as a snack at home as it seems to be better than the chocolate bars. Or another one of my go tos is peanut butter on just regular granola bars with the chocolate chips in them. So even when I need something sweet or more junky at home I make sure to buy something that is not the best for me, but also not the worse. And then one day a week I treat myself to whatever I want, but that;s it.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh goodness..are you hulk??
        I’m guilty of binging on junk food and why did you remind me of Reese peanut buttercups. love them babies.
        right now I’m in tracking phase. tracking me normal diet with app so that i know where I’m wrong and its helping so far. Thanks a lot for sharing 🙂


  6. I’ve been stuffing my mouth with the most unhealthiest of food for the past few weeks like my life depends on it lol. However, by some miracle, I woke up with a “let’s get healthy” spirit just this morning and it’s been centered around only one tip: less carbs, more proteins, least fats. There are calorie counting apps that track your diet based on your macros and I find them pretty helpful in this matter… best of luck to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. i think its finally started to hit all of us we haven’t been kind enough to our body lately. yes its that in a nutshel and it works. thanks for reminding me abt calorie counting app I knew one and always forget to install it.
      and don’t forget lots of water! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. My #1 tip is don’t beat yourself up. You got yourself through a hard time. Now you want to focus more on health? Great. Don’t deprive yourself. Move a little more. Prepare some healthy indulgences so you feel like you get a treat.

    Liked by 1 person

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  9. Don’t worry. You’ll get back on your feet. You did it before, you can do it again. My tip is something I hesitate to share because it might not work for a lot of people. I eat healthier when I don’t have any money, lol. Where I live it’s cheaper to eat a bit of carbs (rice, mealie meal) and food grown in the garden instead of buying fast food. So I spend ALL my money on basic necessities, birthday gifts and investments (I repeat, investments; sometimes I don’t even keep anything for savings because I think I’ll spend it. Dangerous, I know. But at least the investments will make me more money if I really need it.) ***All of it.*** Then I’ll spend the rest of the month on survival mode. I know it sounds horrible but there’s nothing quite like survival mode to keep focused on my goals such as working on my projects so that I can make more money to survive the next month and I’ll already be eating healthy because that’s the only food in the house and I won’t afford anything else. I’m working towards not having to torture myself to fulfill my goals (I want to start enjoying my life) but for now this is what works.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is interesting. And it does make sense. Eating healthy isn’t that expensive. I agree with you on investments, i keep my pool diversified since cash lying around devalues over time.
      I will think about your plan. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
      And you don’t have to change if it’s working for you.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. BC (before covid) I was going gluten-free. I had so much energy. I could even make a gluten-free cake. Now I am back to my old ways. Made a pound cake (a pound of butter- a pound of sugar – a pound of flour). It tastes so good but makes me fell so bad.


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