Hardest conversation..

It’s easier to live with imposed decisions at times. Forced miseries that we label “fate” and accept them.

Problem arises when you are given choice.

When you are told you can choose peace for yourself and you will get the support you need.

Sounds sweet right??

Wrong!

Often times it’s a trap.

When you are living with a problem, swallowing the pain caused by it on daily basis. You know its intensity. You know the reasons why you chose to live like that. You know the consequences of your every move.

But when you bring it on the table and dissect it in front of everyone the universe implodes.

Even if you know how they are going to react. Even if they put up a brave front in front of you. You know this is going to break them deep down. I am talking about the ones who care about you.

And the rest of world?? A friend of mine sums it up really well.

She says “when people get to know about your problem they go sit in your reproductive system and have a party there” (she actually uses the V word)

Trying to fix things can sometimes tangle the situation further.

And what if in the end when they can’t handle it and give up on you?

The support they lured you with to spill out all your problems is the first thing you see dissolving.

The dilemma is driving me insane.

I know my life I have been handling it on my own since years and honestly I don’t ask for a very long life. But I am getting a chance finally.

I am going to have a conversation with dad. He said he wants to “listen and resolve the issue” I don’t think he can do that.

I have worked with him. I am his closest child mentally. Still I always find it hard to speak to him about myself.

This is going to be one of the hardest calls of my life. I have been avoiding it since 2 days..i don’t know how long I can do that.

Guess I will end up saying “i am fine”.. again..

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36 thoughts on “Hardest conversation..

  1. I relate exactly. Keep your chin up. I found talking to people not in my life helped. Talking to someone who can’t judge and just listened was like a therapy. Do you know anyone online you could do that with?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Luck follows the brave. Maybe it is time to make a change and face it. Either you will become more valiant, or you will get hurt. You will learn from it, so it will eventually resolve in the way of making you more valiant. See, it is a win-win situation. Plenty reasons to be scared, but you can defeat it. 😀 See, it works. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Haaa, haaa, HA! I drink. 😀 Stronger people do face the worse, but only because they can handle much more than those who are weak. The noble ones, face just as the same, but they focus on helping the weak.

        Me? I am a spook. I pretend to be strong, but I think I am a noble. Maybe it is all a mirage, an illusion to make people better than me, so they can help me when they become stronger. Hm? Ever thought of that?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That’s what most people want. I like my friends a bit crazy, because it keeps the life more dynamic. The drinking part is a cultural thing and it works. It loosens a nerve or two so you can keep going. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  3. YOU my dear, are my soul muse. The things you write about are so relate-able, and truly always feel like you’ve peeped at some pages in my journals. The irony that “I’m fine” has become my fave thing to say to people (mostly my friends who I’ve known for years) because they seem to want to care, but don’t.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ahaha aww
      you know I feel we all can relate to each other on some level. the reason we came here.
      whenever I read something I do find some emotional connection with people here. maybe thats why we all understand each other.
      I open up with my friend. “I m fine” is for family in my case. they cant handle my mess.

      Like

  4. Pouring your heart and soul out, being vulnerable to whatever comes next is one of the most difficult things any human can do. Either your supported and feel heard and understood, or the other person can’t deal and your left no better off, but with an understanding, even caring about the other person, who would if they could, offer assistance.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My parents and I have had some ugly ups and downs, and over nothing more than the issue of tolerance over intolerance. The one solution seemed to be to avoid any conversation that contradicts their beliefs…which often means no conversation for long periods of time, and usually small talk about insignificant things. Food always seems to be an agreeable point. Anyway, I wish you all the positivity in the world.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. you are so right. this has happened alot in my family too. and at my home we just dont interfere in each other’s matter which is actually good. but it has a downside, we find it hard to open up about our problems. we try to sort them on our end and that often ends up creating bigger problem.
      not talking about issues can only give temporary relieve. right now I m doing the same, staying mum about the whole mess but I know deep down its making the situation worse.

      thanks 🙂

      Like

  6. Hello Stoner, I haven’t been eriting, reading much the past week. I’m just catching up. I hope you made the phone call to your dad. So hard to have a serious conversation over the phone, you want to be there in person to hug them. Good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

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