I miss myself..

Have you ever faced a mirror and still felt you are not looking at yourself.

Because you have lost a huge part of you.

Growing up this happens to all of us. We lose others and ourselves.

We try to hold on to our life. Survive.

But that somewhere means we keep moulding so that the tides don’t break us.

But what moulding does…you lose yourself. Your identity. Your soul.

New you is nothing Identical to old you.

Today i feel strangely defeated. Like its not a defeat. Its more like facing the truth.

Are the tides that cruel..or we are that weak?

Is it worth fighting?

I dont know. I am losing reasons today.

2+2 is again anything but 4..

I am not hurt Or something.

I am pissed.

I am not even depressed.

I am tired.

Right is right. Wrong is wrong.

Then why everything is so complicated?

Why can’t we just move forward and grow and let our minds develop organically.

Why do we have to be dictated and defeated. Its hard to accept defeat or when you know you were right.

I am tired of cultural oppression and social stupidities. There has to be a limit to it..but i can’t see that limit.

Growing up i thought..ok you grow up get independent get control of your life and then just live…

The truth is so harsh it mocks you in your face.

You have to care about alot of things that don’t even directly relate to you. But your actions effect them that too emotionally..even when it shouldn’t.

It’s like you drank few drops of rain and people started blaming you that rain stopped because you drank a few drops. Crazy right?

If you dont care your conscious start biting you..

If you do … you lose your dreams, life, yourself.

Guess i can never find an answer to all of this. It’s frustrating.

Everytime i dream reality comes to haunt me. And it sucks!

When is it going to end..one day i am running away from all of this.

The day i can i will!

Copyright © 2018 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved

66 thoughts on “I miss myself..

  1. So many colorful and picturesque motives in this writing. You should most definitely write a novel. 😀
    And yeah, I stare at the mirror, but every time I get scared and terrified. (I got a long beard, that’s why) 😀

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I know exactly what you mean… it’s like, the more things need to go right, the more they go wrong… the more we try to hold onto the old us, the stronger it dissipates through the fingers of our conscience. There is an old Indian saying about how everything affects everything else. Some people lose sight of that. Keep your head up. You’re going to make it through.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Exactly!! Things are going wrong for no reason at all most of the times just because “thats how things should be”
      Maybe i am a rebel or something as per standards of my own culture as everybody seems to be okay with what i feel is wrong.
      Thanks 😊🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Once again, you’re reading pages from my journal. I so love this. I sometimes miss myself, but then there are times I love this person I’m becoming. But the mirror has definitely become this odd thing that I prefer to avoid. The “transformation” is always the hardest part. Keep writing. you are AWESOME!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. First of all thanks for calling me awesome 💙😊🙃 you made my day bearable.
      Well. You know some time back i was appriciating my struggles as they were leading me to somewhere but then there are these stupid hurdles that shouldnt even matter but they do because of stupid norms.

      Well. Transformation is hardest part but i feel i m never getting out of it. The moment i reach somewhere i say..ok now what next??

      I am glad you like my posts 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Its been so long i haven’t written anything for the 1st one instead i started a second one…its insane everything is going through transformation including my writing.
        Let’s see where it all lead to.. 🙂
        Thanks for encouraging 🤗

        Like

  4. There are definitely parts of the ‘old’ that are working holding onto, but letting go also allows room for growth and parts of the ‘new you’ to emerge that are stronger deeper probably better in some ways than the ‘old’ you. Life is an ongoing struggle to find ourselves, our worth, our own beliefs. It’s far more difficult to hold onto yourself when you’re faced with what others do that is obnoxious to you and your own inner core and values. Keep going, it and you are worth it!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My reaction to myself in the mirror depends on the lighting. If it is strong . fluorescent lighting then I look at the old woman and say ” Jeez….how did I get so old?” If the lighting is better I say :”I’m doing ok for a senior. And every wrinkle is a sign of wisdom.” I’m not making fun of your thoughts on your mirror. Once again this post is a very thoughtful and thought provoking piece of writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. A quick scan of the mirror
    To check which bits are missing
    A short assessment of what’s left
    Are any bits worth kissing?
    What became of youthful eyes?
    What of youthful teeth?
    And what became of youthful dreams
    Lurking there beneath?
    What became of who I was?
    A boy so young and bold?
    Perhaps I am identical
    But just too fucking old

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am thinking writing and running again. For me this is OK. Running. If i am able to think its success already.
      So yea. I am better. Injured damaged whatever but as long as you can think straight you are fine i guess.
      Moulding changing surviving..we have to do all of that we font have choice.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. We have all been there one point or another email me maybe I can help make some suggestions. I am a up and coming life coach. I have been slowly building up to my grand opening but in the mean time have have been providing services to various people on a trial bases in return for their opinion on my services so I can build a better program for assisting people would love to hear from you. All my info is on my page. Here is a bit about me and my journey : Changing myself was the best thing that has happened to me. It brought me to a whole new place in my life where even though things were still complicated I at least finally took control of myself personally. Personal happiness is always the first step and honestly I think the key to reaching your dreams and success. Very nice post about my journey if you are interested. I have several new posts about self discovery and and the realities of life and lifestyle here is the one that specifies some of the more pivotal points that got me where I am today. Feel free to comment and share your experience as well 😊 https://crazybeautifulblogs.wordpress.com/2018/03/28/steps-i-took-to-free-myself-from-me-2/

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Amish women are not allowed to look in a mirror once they are married. Perhaps it is so they can not judge themselves. I pesonally have never liked mirrors. You are different every time you look in one. They only show your flaws. I enjoy your poem. Maybe it mirrors you, a beautiful tapestry of real emotions and questions.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Loved this beautiful and soulfully written. We are all trying hard to survive and life is not easy, the rug is often pulled out. I do not like mirrors sometimes you look good and others you look strange. Perhaps the energy of the mirror is distorted or is it the perception of ourselves which is wrong at that time. Blessing to you.

    Liked by 1 person

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