Tired

Had a busy day was out with sis and co. all day.

Staying away from home is a great help but you cant sleep on road you have to come home to same blank space.

Its crazy. One moment you are a warrior next you are just numb.

I dont know what i am right now.

Its good to be back here and be able to wrote again.

Things cant go back to normal just like that.

And i can still sense this gloomy gray cloud hovering over my head. And i dont like it.

No matter how hard you try to keep yourself busy you can tire yourself physically but mentally and emotionally you are a confused mess.

I need anesthesia or something.

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22 thoughts on “Tired”

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      1. You definitly sound like you’ve turned a bit of a corner. I assume your sister is still there?? Hopefully, you will continue to feel better even when she goes home. I don’t really feel like I’m doing much, except listening maybe, which I guess is pretdty important, so your welcome. I do know how it feels to think no one gives a shit about you. I finally had to change my focus and not worry about certain people. If they don’t want to bother with me, they are not worth it. I focus on conversing with people who respond. I deserve as much respect and love as the next person, so do you. Let the sun shine in!

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      2. sis is here but honestly sometimes it makes me even more uncomfortable. if she wasn’t here I would have had a meltdown..maybe..
        I find it hard to express in front of my family. they are really nice and kind people they dont deserve this.
        you are doing alot. thats all I need at times. someone is there who cares is more than enough at times.
        I agree with every word. it takes time to do this and convince yourself that you need to do this.
        thanks for every word you say. 🙂🤗

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      3. I know it is hard to tell family about these, for feeling you are a burden. I felt that way when I had my mental breakdown. I was able to tell a new boyfriend, who helped me grt help, but I could not tell my family. My mother would br ashamed and embarrassed. For you, you don’t want to worry them, but do you know what? If you don’t tell them, they will feel inadequate for not seeing the signs, for not noticing. They will blame themselves if something happens to you. My case was different. My mother would have been embarrassed, she would not be burdened by my illness, but by shame. Your family loves you and would support you, would help you get what you need. Yes, of course they would worry, that is what loved ones do, but they would want to do everything they can to help you through it, even if it is just a phone call at the perfect time. It would be worse for your family, knowing they might have been able to help. Okay, done lecturing, it is always up to you. I would write back and fourth to you for hours if that is what it takes. I don’t even know you other than here, imagine ehat your family would do to help? Okay, now I am done lecturing lol!

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      4. Actually we have lost alot last year my family is still traumatized. I cant give them one more bad news. I told my sis about my mental state and she is supportive and caring. For me my friends are my stronger family and they never left my side. I share with them.
        Yesterday only i told zazu that hospital surgery within minutes he did all the homework found out 2nd option with a reference.
        I couldnt update my cv. It simple work but i got stuck. Sam said send it to me i will fix it and stop worrying.

        So these are the people who wont let me succumb.

        Only problem happens when you dont want to reach out and talk to people. Thats when you are in a scary blank place.

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      5. Absolutely, you always have to reach out. I am so glad you have those people that will actually help you. Those are the people that would hate themselves for not helping if they didnt know.

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