Enough of sulking

Get up! Get up right now!!

So friends, do you know me?? Do you know how long it took me to crawl and drag my lifeless body out of a the darkest deepest pit possible??

1 and a half year!

Yes every minute every second for 1 and a half year I pulled myself back to life…ALONE!!!

Only help I had was moral support of my friends. My family was suffering from their own problems.

So for such a long time I tried to fix my shitty life.

I couldn’t fix my life but I tried to fix my self

Now you cant even fix yourself ..so I just tried to stand up and have my ground. I tried to strengthen myself.

My luck is a joke everywhere I am not even kidding. I have always had a difficult life and every superstition of having a disastrous life matches with my fate perfectly!

It was a joke in my family people have stars sitting on their luck I have a black raven! And in our culture raven is just a symbol of bad luck.

Once somebody said if I throw my luck in a pond all fishes are going to die.

The worst come scenario just happens to me.

So I am kinda immune to dealing with shit.

I fought my illness for 3.5 year and I was just a step away from closing this chapter and starting a better life for my own and guess what..i stumbled..i fell

You know its been 2 days I couldn’t tell it to anybody. Only you guys and sam knows.

I couldn’t tell my family that our last hope has been snatch away from us.

I dont even know what I am going to do.

And before that some 20 days back I had an emotional shock..i am still lost, I little part of me is permanently damaged because of that. Not because it happened but because I let it happen.

I was holding myself strong.

You what we say… I have secured my life with masking tape..my friends help sticking tapes on me so that I just dont fall apart. They have seen me break at every stage of life.

now. I this point when I was months away from reclaiming my life..all of this happened..

And I was in the same bottomless pit all over again..

Its scary in there..

Its really scary..

I was clueless and wanted to be occupied so I started watching “eternal sunshine of the spotless mind” its one of my favorite movies..emotionally I am alot like Clementine..

And it took me from where I started..

And reminded me all my struggles

I would watch movies non-stop to escape reality, because my reality was just so unbearable.

Thats when I watched eternal sunshine.

I would watch funniest of “friends”

And I dont still know how to use a concealer and foundation and all but I know almost all of make up gurus..yea..watched them too. Didnt help at all!

Then writing and blog followed and it was strongest medicine that worked..

Now after all of this I cant let myself fall apart..

I have come a long way I took alot to even be able to stand again.

I cant afford to lose my footing again

I am talking to myself more than you guys here but I just need to say this and remind myself.

I cant sit and sulk.

I passed out with depression yesterday.

And yesterday only I realized I have been having these episodes since 1 year..the first happened when I lost my grandpa..

There is a tornado in my brain its very damaging..

Any thing emotional just triggers at and increases its intensity..

It spins to the speed when I stop seeing things.. I go blank and clueless and dizzy..

I cant let myself collapse..

So operation getting-my-shit-togather in action!!


Started with movies!!

So first steps gonna be movies..any funny movie recommendation guys??

When your reality gets too shitty…start living in imagination and fiction!

Until this fog settles a little

We will go from the beginning..we will walk the same path again..

And I will be fine. It was harder the first time..it will be easier this time inshAllah.

I need to fix things..

One at a time..

you can re

Copyright © 2018 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved


47 thoughts on “Enough..

Add yours

  1. Tell the universe you want and deserve better and name what you want, precious one. Instead of want, tell the universe I am healthy, I am financially secure, I am loved,…whatever it is you require from life. Pass through the wanting stage, push the universe to the next stage of what you deserve. I’ve heard this many times. It is how I live my life and it works. Sometimes not as quickly as I would wish, but it works. See if it works for you 🙂


  2. 0K, here is what you do.

    Scary Movie 1, 2, 3, then you get EuroTrip 1, then you take 10 Reasons Why I Hate You, then you get to YouTube and see some science videos, maybe stop by Jordan Peterson and see some of his lectures, then switch over to chocolate and have some incense around, take a bath, work out, then drop all that sad crap you are feeding your brain with and find some detective story to read, and then you do some FUNNY writing, it must be entertaining and after that, you can do some simple breathing exercises and watch the sunset in the desert and start loving life, because life will start loving you.

    Then have some light dinner, like maybe a pasta with cheese and white chicken meat, with date fruit for desert. Sleep, and repeat. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. wow dont tell me you are a therapist!
      10 things I hate about you?? I like that movie watched it already.
      I dont watch horror I get scared.
      the rest I know what works for me. done that once will do it again.
      thanks alot nenad for being just yourself. 🙂 you are an amazing friend 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Itis very difficult tog rt out of a depression once you are down. It can be done as you know, because you have done it before. You know what works for you cause you’ve been there. It’s like my weight issue, you have to keep at it, practise positive thinking and like you said, watch movies, funny movies. I didn’t think I’d ever get over depression, but I did. Mine required medication, yours may or may not. You can do it, convince yourself and believe it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 🙂
      normally I have anxiety. with anxiety I pretty much now how to handle myself. its depression that I need to get attuned to.
      medication isn’t a good option as I just got off meds for autoimmune its would be too much chemistry in my system.
      but I am better today.
      thank you so much 🤗🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I can so relate to this post, and know from experience that digging yourself out from the black hole is sometimes the hardest thing you ever have to do, but you are obviously strong enough to do so..so there’s that.. I recently had a situation, that had been building for quite awhile (16 years) that I just never took care of. Push it down, it will go away all on it’s own, right? If your don’t acknowledge it, it doesn’t exist! At least that’s what I kept telling myself until it got so bad, nothing I did, none of the things that use to work, did anymore, and I had to ask for help. That was by far the hardest thing for me to do. I am a bit stubborn that way. Don’t be afraid to ask for help!! And as far as funny movies…my all time favorite! “The Princess Bride!” I love this movie like no other!


    1. and 16 year..yeah actually I do this too I mentally close my eyes and try to pretend its not happening..initially it works its like anesthesia but the reality stays.. thats the bad part it stays and when you open your eyes its way worse.
      I am much better I have a counsellors number and an anti-anxiety/tranquilliser.. so far im ok without both.
      I know the whole path now.
      thank you so much for the support 🤗🙂❤️


  5. Look in the mirror … or not. Say to yourself “Stop!” Then divert yourself by learning something new. Try something you always wanted to do. Pamper yourself. Do not sit still for more than an hour. Swimming is good, any exercise is great specially Zumba. It is import ant to take yourself in hand. Go and help orphans and destitute people. Don’t just give cash, do something for them. You will be fine.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you much ma’am.
      I have done all of this to gather shards of myself, I started learning guitar and drawing/sketching I am writing 2 novels and a short story book and plan to come up with poetry book too..
      so yeah thats all kept me sane. recently joined gym too..
      but when it hits you its like sinking In quicksand..
      I am trying..I will be fine will just have to go through the process all over again..
      thanks alot for stopping by and commenting, this means alot me really 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It pains me to see anyone’s suffering. You are doing the right thing by expressing yourself and reaching out. I’m sure you may have tried a counselor or Psychiatrist. I’ve done it, and found them good. Even taking medication helps but in very small doses and for very short periods of time. Most important is to keep your mind positive at all costs. Its like an abyss… falling down isn’t an option. Stay blessed. I found meditation also works like anything. Focus on a word like God, or Allah. It is magical. Do it regularly, at the same time, and for a few minutes at a time. You have a different God, call out to Him, you are His business anyway.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. blocking in everything was just becoming to much I started to feel I might explode so I had to let it out and express. thats been one of the best decisions so far.
        I am recommended a counsellor I haven’t gone to her yet as i was holding up just fine.
        medicine suddenly makes me worse as I still can’t sleep my brain doesn’t shut completely so it makes me sick.
        yes its exactly like being suspended in an abyss you are almost crippled.
        my friend just told me about meditation and sent me a few links, I might visit them.
        so far art and writing was helping the most so I didnt venture into anything else.
        I am a muslim so I do believe Allah wont ever test me beyond my tolerance. and it will be over one day and I will be rewarded for all the pain I endured. this 1 sentence is itself a therapy 🙂.
        thanks alot again for the kind words and support 🙂


      1. What.. What.. What..? Not even a single one. OK. If you need any recommendations call me. Alright gotta go. Drink aplenty, water not tea or wine and get some rest. And Really not a single one. I’m still in shock. Watch One punch man. Seriously watch it.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Just yesterday, I started a new genre – short stories- on my blog in which I would be offering some real shitty ramblings. So I recommend you to have a look at my first short story “The Perfect Relationship” with the safe premise that any more of shitty things can’t make it shittier for you.

    If it doesn’t make you feel like throwing me off a cliff, I’ll post another one especially for you😅😁

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: