Today I was talking to an angel friend of mine. Remember unicorn?? I have talked about her here. She stayed with me on phone for 4 hours when I had first suicide pang.
She was busy with moving home. We were conversing on WhatsApp.
“I am pregnant”
These simple three words literally pulled my soul out. Something inside me died.
What? What the fuck? When? These were my messages.
This is supposed to be a good news generally. Right??
But no.
My friend is married and has a child, who struggles with learning. The child needs special attention.
Unicorn herself has 3 autoimmune disorders. Added with thyroid and migraines. When she has migraine she doesn’t complain until she goes blind. She tolerates it and keeps working until she can’t see.
Her husband is a typical man who doesn’t get up to get water for himself.
She did not want another child.
And autoimmune triggers with full force after delivery. I have no idea how is she going to mange that.
I wanted to scream, cry shout.
Her in laws and husband were pressuring her to have a second child. She finally succumbed to the pressure.
For a long time my mind was filled with fizzy grey Static.
I was scared to say anything. She is expecting already. We cant change anything.
But we are very close and we often confide in each other.
I said I am sorry I can’t fake it. I am really worried. She told me her own family reacted the same way.
I am still not normal. I lost something today.
My this friend is highly educated, more than her husband but she left her career because he wanted her too.
Then she didn’t want first child..that happened.
Now this..
She is just a helpless puppet.
Just because she is extremely nice person doesn’t this give anybody the right to ruin her life??
Now you will say, why didn’t she speak up?? She could have stood against it. She could have fought.
You know what. Its easier to say. She is not stupid.
She comes from a sound background.
But pressures. They lobotomize you.
Your education, your strength your will and self-respect, everything turns to ashes when you have to face outrageous levels of socio-cultural pressures.
When you see your friend fighting you root for her, and when she loses somewhere you lose too.
There is a fresh dent in my conscience that will never be filled. She is not the first and the last case. But I believed she will win.
She was close to the finish line, when she is suddenly pushed off the track.
If you had known me you would have said “look who is talking”.
No matter what I say here I have surrendered to pressures whenever my loved ones were involved. Whenever I felt its better hurting myself than bringing distress to my home.
And sadly most of the times your sacrifice is not even realized, let alone appreciated.
This is how we are built.
It’s sad. It’s unfair. But this is how it is.
Copyright © 2018 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved
yes, it’s sad. love to you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
thanks I m fine absolutely. just pissed.
LikeLike
I’m gonna kick you so hard that you will actually kick me back. Perhaps that’s the only way you will wake up to actually wanting to safe yourself from you. Stop succumbing to idiots even if they are family, friends or idiots like me. What are you getting a million or billion dollars for condoning it..? I mean what’s the point of realising it if you can’t do anything about it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
zazu??
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nope…no Zazu. Just an ass.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Same exact words. I will kill you if i find out you are zazu!
And why arent you here seriously we both could have saved helped each other! I am sad mad 😔
LikeLiked by 1 person
Save yourself it’s already too late for me. And You’ll kill me even though I’m not Zazu..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Seriously??
If you were here i would have!
You are younger than me. You will recover ok!
Stop saying this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There is no considerable difference. OK. And I think I will go now. Take care Stoner.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Take care please.
LikeLike
As much as we’d like to sometimes, we can’t control other people and their choices or pressures they’re under. We can only control how we react. You can feel compassion for her, but don’t make it your problem.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I won’t. I will try I don’t. its been just a few hours that I talked to her.
thanks a lot for caring and reminding me I get carried away very easily.
LikeLiked by 2 people
❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
My thoughts exactly! ❤️
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so much. ❤
Such news do drain you out emotionally
LikeLiked by 1 person
I understand! I’m old and still learning what to hold onto and what to let go of! Your friend needs to set her own boundaries. I feel terrible for her, too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am scared for her life. But you are right i cant do anything.
I was sad mad at her. Controlled the mad part.
Thanks for advice 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s intense. I always believe that you should do something because you ‘want’ to and not ‘have’ to. If your friend doesn’t want another baby, then she really shouldn’t. It’s dangerous for her. She has to also think about her first child. Has she given some thought on what would happen to the kid if something happens to her? Sometimes mother’s really need to make a call and I hope your friend also makes the right choice.
LikeLiked by 1 person
She faught for her and her first child. For 2 3 years she kept fighting. Thats why i was shocked.
I have no idea whats she going to do. I didnt ask alot as i didn’t want to upset her she must be going through alot. But this is insane but this is not rare..
She has accepted it already. I am hoping it gets easier for her.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s really sad. I hope things change for her 😦 Like you said, hope it gets easier for her.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Change wont happen. Its too late for that. But yea i was thinking about a few things will suggest her to hire a maid or something at least save her health.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hiring a maid will be a good idea. It will be great if her folks also stay with her for a while after her delivery but I don’t know how far that will work out since she stays with her in-laws. Or if she can stay at her parents place throughout her pregnancy. At least thats what most women do in my culture.
LikeLiked by 1 person
She lives here with husband and kid. No in laws no family. But i can suggest her she should go to her parents for a while. This maybe a good idea. But domestic help is a necessity now. Will talk to her in detail today. The man of the house was at home yesterday so we couldnt talj about it.
Honestly i am just done with our culture. All it does is disappoint us.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can understand 😔 let’s just hope for the best for her.
LikeLiked by 1 person
yea.. thats all we can do.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yaar, What is this. I hate this. What a bloody hell society. You know you have to pay a price even for being a sweet person. It’s really sad.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Honestly sweet people are the ones who are actually paying the price for being part of this society.
LikeLike
Why is this so? Why God is not seeing this😞
LikeLiked by 1 person
He does. That’s her last hope. She said i left it in God’s hands.
I couldnt say anything.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah. What can we say. Just believe and hope
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yea…
LikeLike
It is difficult to watch the ones you love get even farther away from their own happiness. My Sister did that as well. You can only listen when they need you to. Be there for them. It was their choice. You can’t take on their pain, just be there.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am trying. But i dont think i will be able to do that alot. She lives far. And she doesnt even asks for help. She way too polite and kind.
I can try.and pray
LikeLiked by 1 person
She is very lucky to have you as her friend. Nowadays it is so hard to find people who are compassionate. People are just curious.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I couldn’t do nothing for her. We cant help people in these situations
LikeLike
Stoner, you are a good friend. You listened. Point out the blossoms of goodness when they appear for she may be over her head and can’t see them. They helps surpass the hard times. Hope you are well. Have a great weekend. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know its such a complicated scenario. I am trying to be kind when i actually want to through a brick on her head. I strictly told her to not to surrender in this case because then it involves one more life.
More helplessness.
I am fine.
You have an awesome weakend. Ours ended today.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Throwing a brick, is a legit feeling. Been there. I often grip tight my hand with the brick, as I hold it behind my back and think of a better way to help. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
ahahah. same here.
I don’t know for how long I can hide the brick like this.
LikeLike
You are morally and emotionally supportive to her. It takes time for the society to change. Till then we should support each other.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So apt!
Perfect. Thank you for saying this!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Breathe taking
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yea. Took my breath quite literally
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, damn. I am not liking this post, that’s why I didn’t click on like button. So sorry for your friend. She sounds really nice and lovely even though she is suffering that much. Ugh, I hate myself for hearing about this things and I am unable to do anything, just read it and sit here.
I really do hope there is a good side to this story and that your friend will get through this unharmed. Again, sorry to hear this wounding story. I am not a religious person, but I would Pray to God and Allah both to help her. darn it. Why are thing so hard on good people? Ugh!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thats the problems my friend. She is somebody who can’t talk loud. Such a gentle soul.
You are feeling helpless. Imagine what i am feeling.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I would sit in a corner and cry myself to sleep. I don’t have a solution for this that doesn’t involve a form of violence.
LikeLiked by 1 person
please dont cry.
I told you I don’t want you to be one of us.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I won’t. It’s just plain wrong Alyana. What’s happening to that poor girl should be illegal. I don’t know it anymore. At least try being strong for her and a shoulder for her tears.
LikeLike
Its actually not right. but when wrong becomes so common the right takes a backseat.
whenever I try to raise my voice I am mocked or silenced. this part of world is pretty much screwed when it comes to social norms.
I am there for her and she knows it.
I must have done a million things wrong but I never left my friends to face any ordeal alone.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh dear honestly this made my heart ache a lot. Hmari society mein mostly yehi hisaab ha man!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yehi to bat hai. Its almost normal. And this is the worst part. Injustice being normal. Pata nai kab sudherain gey hamarey log. Likhtey hway bhi afsos hota hai
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know man and honestly I’m hopeless!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me too..
Pata nai kab tak hum yeh jahalat chupaingey. I am just tired
LikeLiked by 1 person
Same here!
LikeLike
Bhag jatay hain kahin
LikeLike
I’ve been planning since childhood heehee 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Same here..everyday sam and i plan. Like seriously plan!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah I get you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hope you figure it all out
LikeLike
theres nothing left to figure out. I can only fake smile for her.
LikeLike
I’ve been in similar situations before. But you can’t make other people’s decisions for them…
LikeLiked by 1 person
True that..
I dont think i can actually do anything. Can be there for her but in this case even that wont help much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sometimes you need healthy boundaries, too
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmm..
LikeLiked by 1 person
its so so sad. why do people feel they have to give in to the pressure? it makes me mad, i’m sorry it happened to your friend. xoxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Emotional blackmailing babe. This is the strongest tool our culture uses and we surrender.
I know this is disturbing..
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t know your freind but I would like you to smack some sense into her but some will bow to the pressure while I throw my middle finger up at it . I just git really angry reading that . Some of us can be rebels others can not withstand the societla pressures
LikeLiked by 1 person
societal * typing while annoyed . I could share some stories as well .
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lets just hope whatever happened gets easier for her
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hope so too
LikeLike
Tachi boss that’s why you are tachi BOSS!!
and i love you for that.
I am one of the losers too. I hate it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No you dont have permission to call yourself a loser . No please .
LikeLiked by 1 person
love you tach you are a great friend 🤗🙂
LikeLike
The sidelines are such a frustrating place to be when we can clearly see the issues in friends and loved one’s lives.
LikeLiked by 1 person
exactly!
when you can do anything.its a helpless place to be. and hurts
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” (the definition of insanity) always plays out in my head in these situations. I have to remind myself it’s easier diagnosing and coming up with a good prognosis of a problem from the outside however it’s frustrating when it continues on and on and….
LikeLiked by 1 person
And the worst part you are automatically become part of the problem when you belong to same culture. Its is insane. And inhumane
I cant imagine what she is going through and what her life is going to be.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s a sad set of circumstances all the way around for her and the kids.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really worry about that kid she is carrying.. can you love something you don’t want?? or its just happens you finally naturally fall in love with your child??
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t know the answers here but I suppose she could grow to love the child although there’s also the possibility her resentment may grow. Alot of pressure for a baby to have.
LikeLike
I know. Its a tricky situation for mother and child both.
Hope things shape well over the time
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel sorry for your friend and understand her position.May she get through the pregnancy without any sending hugs and love to her!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Megha. We can only pray for her. She is adjusting and accepting the phase.
LikeLike
Yes I will definitely pray for her. I have been my share of bad pregnancies so I can relate to her a bit.
LikeLiked by 1 person
oh. I don’t know what to say…
LikeLike