A Tightening Circle

Yesterday, I got a call from a friend of mine. She is a family friend actually and not a close friend.

Few minutes into the conversation she said “I think I am falling into depression. And I am having anxiety.”

Now. I am all too aware with these 2 word.

My first thought was “nope. You are not dealing with any of that” but I didn’t say it.

People who have been reading my blog might know I swing between the 2.

Depression I had for short time, anxiety almost all my life and its magnitude fluctuates with the circumstances.

Right now I am pretty stable.

Then Dad have been put on pretty heavy medication in an attempt to manage this mental condition. After mom he is not able to handle himself well no matter how many people are caring for him.

Mom struggled with horrible levels of anxiety on chemo.

So I know closely what it is.

I just listened. But deep down I wasn’t agreeing.

Then she started asking what about us, and what we used to feel.

I wanted to tell but then I stopped.

She is a very sensitive girl. She wouldn’t be able to digest and understand whatever I told her. We all have difference experience and I didn’t even know her reasons.

So instead I asked her to tell me what she was feeling.

She said she has this emptiness and sinking feeling and she is sleeping a lot.

I listened.

Then I said “First of all don’t take any medicine on your own without proper consultation. Then whenever you feel you can come to stay.”

She came to my place to stay when she was expecting so I suggested she should come and she might feel a bit better.

Then I told her about the counsellor I am recommended. I told her if she finds the need, she can go to her and just talk to her.

After the call I was evaluating our conversation.

Apparently this girl has a happy life, monotonous but happy.

Had she come to me 5 6 years back and told me the same thing I would have said “dude, go home. Your are fine. You are overthinking. Chill”

But not now.

Few days back we lost a relative to suicide. This person had a perfect life. Loving family. No financial, social or any problem at all. And he used to pray. He was healthy. There shouldn’t be anything wrong. But he ended his life.

I still don’t understand.

I don’t understand how suddenly the circle is tightening and we are stranded in it.

Maybe all of this existed since forever, it’s now only that they have come to light.

Mental health has still got miled to cover to Carve its place as a serious health issue.

It’s a widely misunderstood concept either people don’t accept it at all or people just label you a psycho and start treating you one.

I have talked about asking for help before.

Now I am talking about listening and believing.

Better safe than sorry.

If someone comes to you at least listen patiently and please don’t give opinions you are not entitled to do that. It’s doctor’s job.

No matter how light the problem sounds just listen with full concentration your one frown can overthrow the hard built confidence.

Your job is to listen, and believe. Be compassionate.

Take them to the doctor if they want go. Help them if they want to. Don’t try to be a therapist you might be doing it all wrong.

You can never guess the level of chaos or numbness captivating a mind.

You just can’t predict, guess, judge, measure the anxiety level of another human.

What happened to me did not happen to my parents.

What happened to mom and dad separately I can’t completely understand.

We might know the reasons. We might know what doctors to go to. We might even know names of a few medicines.

But we can never tell how bad it is.

There are so many things we believe blindly. Then why we find difficulty to believe when somebody opens up to us about their mental and emotional state??

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