2017

There is one more day to go. And then we will see the light of a new year.

New Years Eve’s an extravagant affair here but since this time haunts me chances are high I wont be going anywhere.

This was the most chaotic year of my life. A crazy roller coaster ride.

We lost 3 loved ones this year out of which one was a suicide that happened just a few days back. It shook me to the core and flipped all my concepts about mental health suicide and life.

Had to witness 2 divorces. Again heart wrenching.

My whole family is still struggling through this traumatic year.

We sometimes question what did we do wrong to deserve this. But then my brother says “we have seen good years too, the sad part is we are losing our support system.”

It’s scary. Because in the society I belong to we have very close knitted families.

Well.

The rest of us are alive, do we have a choice??

Life goes on..

On an individual level this year taught me a lot.

The end of last year I stopped looking around for ears and shoulders. There was no point crying in front of people around me.

From there started whole new journey.

Of trying my hands on art and writing, exploring a new planet where all of you angels reside in your beautiful mansions.

Getting to know what the world is like and what people are struggling with everywhere.

I got to see beyond the bubble I live in.

The most important thing I learned was to let go of people who are leaving anyway or just don’t want to be around.

Let go of the sadness attached to painful memories by simply accepting them rather then looking for reasons.

I started focusing on building myself from scratch. And started to revert back to what I used to be in my happiest times.

I realized my teens were craziest but I was happy. Not for what was happening around me. I was happy with my own self.

Somewhere that person went into hibernation. I nudged her, told her to wake up and help me.

Asking help from your old self sounds impossible but this happened and it worked to an extent. Obviously we can’t go back in time but we all have been in a place where we were our best version, we can at least analyze what we were doing right.

It’s a hypothetical situation. In practice it doesn’t work 100% but it helps ALOT.

To survive this year I had to do one thing, disconnect myself from reality.

I started living dual life which is not as easy as it sounds. But it’s keeping me sane.

In a long run it’s not a good idea. But right now it was the best I could do.

Dragged my mind from present and locked it behind the bars with creativity; writing, arts, music. Until the time dust settles a little.

Honestly, if you guys weren’t here to support me, I know I wouldn’t have died, but it would be far more difficult for me to deal with whatever happened.

This year Almost drove me mad, literally!

I thank you guys again.

I don’t believe in new year resolutions. There is no fixed date to decide something for yourself.

Past is gone. And honestly the way I had to see people leave, I don’t know how long I am here.

So why not focus on today only.

It’s sounds horribly cliche. But it’s high time we stop fretting over things that are beyond our control.

Well.

That’s all folks!

Copyright © 2017 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved

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60 thoughts on “2017

  1. So, someone who had a rough 2017(just like mine) compared to other recent years. The “old self ” formula is very much relate-able to me. Things will be fine. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick, Don’t lose faith.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I certainly hope 2018 is less chaotic for you guys. I suppose we’ve all had years like that, that seem cursed or something. But you’re brother is right. Generally, most years are filled with more good than bad. Here’s to a better one this coming year. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. my. brother has warrior spirit. he just 19 and he singlehandedly handles all of us at times.
      so proud of him.
      honestly, I don’t even care about what 2018 will bring for me. or anybody.
      all I know what I will do today before I go to sleep. I can’t think beyond that anymore.

      I don’t know if its a good think, but right now it seems to work

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t know what to say. Often you place me in a position where I don’t know what to write, or feel. I just get that thought “I know, right. My words exactly.”, but I don’t write that, because I think it’s repetitive. I would like to hug you as strong as I can and freeze in the moment. You would try to get away and throw some disgusted look over me wondering “What’s his problem?” and I would just gasp and watch the sunset. Then you would kick me in the shin and run away… Ah, romance.

    Sorry, I always twist things around. If anything, I hope you will enter the new 2018 year laughing and smiling. 😀 Just like me. 😀 See, easy. (I am doing it again, so sorry)

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I had a very good 2017. On the 1st day itself I couldn’t move out of the bed. Hope in 2018 if things were to repeat themselves, I should literally not move. Got it Stoner. By the way what’s your resolution? You must be facing a lot of pressure to settle down.

    Like

      1. Gosh you’re not a burden. Have our roles been reversed. And some day or another you will find someone Stoner. You know why, cause you got a family. And they will do everything they can to make you settle down.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Nope, I am a man. Didn’t you hear, girlfriend? At least that’s what I have been told. Women don’t have an easy life like we do. Besides 2017 is about to end and I wanted to see you smile, so poking around. Maybe I will disappear who knows.. So smile and a Happy New Year.( In case I went missing tomorrow)

        Liked by 1 person

  5. So sorry to hear about all the personal loses and bad news you have encountered this year. but maybe it the sign that you’re over the edge and now there is heaps of good news waiting around the corner.You are almost there, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wrote 3 posts for this year end and they were so long. I never posted them it was pretty depressing. so I came a up with this a summarized form.
      we all are battling something or other. I am glad I could help anybody.
      and thanks a lot for appreciating my art. this means a lot to me.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. If I could just interrupt you for a moment from your chit chats 😀 you have done really well to leave past demons aside a year ago … and start your journey to find a stronger you. Just in time it seems, as you were faced with further horrors for which I am sorry.
    I hope 2018 is full of smiles and happy chit chats with loving blog followers who bring you sunshine xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ahahaha I have craziest loveliest bunch here. its almost like a dream they are so amazing have been by my side all this time. when I felt suicidal for the first time 4 5 of them stay with me on the comment. they were there all the time until I felt normal.
      even during my anxiety attacks.
      I am lucky in friends department 🙂

      and I think God prepares us at times. that beginning I chose brought me here just in the right time. this place balanced me

      thank you so much for kind words and support xx 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. You will do great. Every day teaches us to get better and stronger if we actually listen to their positive lessons. And you are doing it. So it will be great.
    Have a wonderful year ahead. Waiting to see your wonderful posts and charcoal drawings too.☺️

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Happy New year again and I hope that this year is better for you. I believe the same thing as you about not having a fixed new year resolutions. I wish you courage and happiness for this year ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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