There is one more day to go. And then we will see the light of a new year.
New Years Eve’s an extravagant affair here but since this time haunts me chances are high I wont be going anywhere.
This was the most chaotic year of my life. A crazy roller coaster ride.
We lost 3 loved ones this year out of which one was a suicide that happened just a few days back. It shook me to the core and flipped all my concepts about mental health suicide and life.
Had to witness 2 divorces. Again heart wrenching.
My whole family is still struggling through this traumatic year.
We sometimes question what did we do wrong to deserve this. But then my brother says “we have seen good years too, the sad part is we are losing our support system.”
It’s scary. Because in the society I belong to we have very close knitted families.
The rest of us are alive, do we have a choice??
Life goes on..
On an individual level this year taught me a lot.
The end of last year I stopped looking around for ears and shoulders. There was no point crying in front of people around me.
From there started whole new journey.
Of trying my hands on art and writing, exploring a new planet where all of you angels reside in your beautiful mansions.
Getting to know what the world is like and what people are struggling with everywhere.
I got to see beyond the bubble I live in.
The most important thing I learned was to let go of people who are leaving anyway or just don’t want to be around.
Let go of the sadness attached to painful memories by simply accepting them rather then looking for reasons.
I started focusing on building myself from scratch. And started to revert back to what I used to be in my happiest times.
I realized my teens were craziest but I was happy. Not for what was happening around me. I was happy with my own self.
Somewhere that person went into hibernation. I nudged her, told her to wake up and help me.
Asking help from your old self sounds impossible but this happened and it worked to an extent. Obviously we can’t go back in time but we all have been in a place where we were our best version, we can at least analyze what we were doing right.
It’s a hypothetical situation. In practice it doesn’t work 100% but it helps ALOT.
To survive this year I had to do one thing, disconnect myself from reality.
I started living dual life which is not as easy as it sounds. But it’s keeping me sane.
In a long run it’s not a good idea. But right now it was the best I could do.
Dragged my mind from present and locked it behind the bars with creativity; writing, arts, music. Until the time dust settles a little.
Honestly, if you guys weren’t here to support me, I know I wouldn’t have died, but it would be far more difficult for me to deal with whatever happened.
This year Almost drove me mad, literally!
I thank you guys again.
I don’t believe in new year resolutions. There is no fixed date to decide something for yourself.
Past is gone. And honestly the way I had to see people leave, I don’t know how long I am here.
So why not focus on today only.
It’s sounds horribly cliche. But it’s high time we stop fretting over things that are beyond our control.
That’s all folks!
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