This day…

This day…3 years back I was rushed to the emergency in a Critical situation for the first time. I remember it clearly as it was 1st Day of Eid-ul-Azha.

This was the first time I saw what ER actually looks like…and it was me who had to be taken there… my doctors had inform them about my situation beforehand so they knew what to do.

This was the time I was given an injection and it reacted…got to know it had to be diluted and then given through an iv drip..the first iv drip of my life!

This day I got to know I have extremely thin veins…there are just 2 of them that can be safely pricked….without hurting beyond my tolerance… that too with expert hand..

I always knew I had serious fear of needles and sharp object…but thin veins was brand new information..

I was blessed to have good doctors and nurses around.

I didn’t even know it’s autoimmune … until that point they were treating it as an infection, the inflammation could damage a nerve and that was what they were trying to stop at any cost.

Sounds scary isn’t it??

Well… then the whole life changed… things never could be the same..

Eids don’t excite me anymore…I maybe very wrong saying this but God knows us and our intensions… these days make me feel helpless…defeated..

I don’t like going out on new year’s eve… new years in UAE fills the sky with confetti and fireflies…amazing fireworks…but I stopped going…once I went I had an anxiety attack and I was crying in the car when rest of the friends were awkwardly trying to enjoy the fireworks…never went after that..

It always makes me feel….one more year wasted!!!

One more year taken away from me by an illness…

one more year passed in waiting to get better..

Well..

I did dress up and prayed.. then I switched back to my pajamas and laptop life…

Just now realized for rest of the world it’s still the same…so sent greetings to friends and family…

I don’t know..

I don’t know how to end this post.

I just don’t feel right today.

Copyright © 2017 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved

48 thoughts on “This day…

      1. We talked about it I think. One of your posts was inspired with battling psychological problems and I did wrote about my problem too. Thanks for kind words. I hope it will pass and let me get back to work.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I know I said something about being overly depressed and something like “lone wolf” symptome. We did talked for like a 6 comments in a row. Let me roll down my notification bar. Damn, it is to low to find it.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I could’ve swear we had a talk about feeling sad and all. Maybe was on a Serendipity’s blog where we met, but who knows.

        I learned how to handle that emotional and psychological pressure. You should try finding a bright side in every situation, hardwire your brain to naturally crave for positivity. I like to watch my neighbours pass my window and think of their day. Exercise can be stress relieving, or comedy shows on YouTube. Meditation is proven to work, even in hard cases like anger management symptoms. Laugh every day, even forced laugh can have some impact on your health. It sounds dreadful, but socialize with people that actually have face. Talk to yourself and motivate yourself to do good things and tap yourself on the back. One of this things will move you from your foxhole, and then, just give it a push to a right direction. 😀

        Liked by 2 people

      4. Im sorry it just vanished from my memory.. now i will start searching for notification related to serendipity… wish i was a little less wierd in this case..

        Well.. watching neighbours isnt my thing..4 5 little harry potters started playing just outside my door recently as this is only home where nobody complains or even bother to come out when they make noise..
        Excersise…i m too weak for that right now.
        Comedy shows on youtube…that i used to do i cant watch whole episodes and seasons so when i was hopeless depressed i would look for ‘best of friends’ or ‘funniest of friends’…always worked!

        Meditation sounds like a idea..
        I had serious anger issues i have learned to handle it now..

        I do socialise with people who have face.. my friends eid diner is tomorow so will be going there..but honestly i dont really feel like going ..its just that they are really nice caring people and they are insisting.

        My survival kit contents are a little different. I read, write, listen to/learn music, do some artwork, talk to some really close friend, watch movies..
        And i feel better..

        Its just that today was aniversary of my disease… today is a different situation. I tried to to draw something and it became one huge mess!

        Hopefully i will be better tomorow..

        Liked by 2 people

  1. Your not alone, I’m with you and so are a lot of others. I am a firm believer in prayer and leaning upon God. It’s the only thing that got me through my world caving in, and it was steadily a trial for several years. Love to you. Reach out to me if ever you need

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Ask for wisdom, strength, courage, compassion. I don’t believe the reasoning is in vain. But we are to human to comprehend it. Through our brokenness comes healing and sometimes answers. One of my favorite scriptures is “Be still and know that I’m God.” Your waiting may be His divine plan.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey, come on. I read the post and thought Oh God!, is she O.K. Well I avoid the festivities too, it gets painfully loud. But you don’t have to force yourself to enjoy. Just do things you enjoy. If you don’t feel like laughing, don’t laugh. Well, you can’t please anyone just for the sake of it.
    I think I will lose the privilege of phone next week, so bear with me.
    And Happy Eid. Strange, I forgot about it. Thanks for the reminder.
    And take care of yourself, seriously don’t scare me like this.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Ok.. dont take me wrong..
        If this is depressing you dont read my posts until you get well…
        This is my blog not cartoon network. This is one place i come and vent… cant pretend here… dont want to..
        I cant tell my friends and family “hey eid mubarak but look at my miserable life!”
        Well.. i would suggest dont read if its upsetting you.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. No its not upsetting me. It is that I feel helpless. You know, when you know someone and can’t do a thing to help them, hell even talk to them. It’s just that I don’t want you to do the same mistakes I did. Well take care, And do take care. And never pretend, even If you want to.

        P. S. I read because I want to. I have my sanity.. Haha.. Has the finger healed?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Don’t feel helpless you are not responsible for me in anyway. You still manage to comment when something unexplainable is happening to your own blog this already means alot to me. You are doing what you can.
        What mistakes did you do???

        Finger will take time..its fine.. doesnt hurt.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Well you vent your anger, lashing it out to others then yourself. Before long, you realise everyone is living and you’re not you are just breathing. Reality hits you, knocks you right off your feet. And then you lie hoping someone will pick you up. All that bargaining start, I will do this, once this happens and that. You cross the 3rd stage of sadness, without ever realising the 4th has already started. And then you pick your own pieces and will just stare at yourself. Ultimately you will lose respect, you will be loved but not respected. And as you wither you realise you never lived.

        Holy Shit! I am typing as I am thinking. But its true. Happened to the best of us. Just remember don’t expect anything, no happiness, or sadness nothing. Just realise a simple fact it’s a phase you can’t control.
        Hmm.. perhaps I should write a post. I will when I get back.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. No, I am saying It can happen to anyone with a long term illness. I know, my friend knows. Shit, we all are riding the same boat. So just giving you a heads up, it CAN happen. And you can take it out here, just like I did. I told you what I went through with my disease. And remember if you can’t take of yourself, no one will.. So, take care and keep writing. I love to read. Don’t hold back on anything for anyone.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I should be greeting you a Happy Eid today and the coming days, but I’d better wish you a Blessed Eid instead. If it helps, my prayer is for you to always feel blessed from day to day. Not the easiest to do at times. But we always say Alhamdulillah, with gratitude, for both the good and the bad times. Salam.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is such a sweet comment thanks alot.
      This is one of those days when you can’t avoid looking at everything that is going wrong with you. In fact everything depresses you. I know i will be fine soon inshAllah.
      And to the rest of the world i say i am fine Alhamdolillah.
      But here…i got a little emotional…
      Walaikumasalam. And blessed eid to you too. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh God. Here’s a trick i swear by. The moment they are comming to yoi with the sword tell them you have extremely thin veins. If they care they will find somebody with gentle hand and use thin needle (for me they always use butterfly needle).

        If you survive the process and you think it didnt hurt that bad memorize the name of thw nurse/technician. Next time directly ask for that person.

        Works for me.

        Liked by 1 person

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