Today’s word made me revisit some old wounds, they have healed to an extent and I am braving the scars.
Past 7 8 years have been really confusing time of my life.
I gave my 110% trying to make sure everybody is pleased with me and their own lives.
I did everything voluntarily because I thought it’s the only way I can please people around me.
But guess what?
After losing all my confidence and pretty much my own self in the process, when I looked at all those people, they still looked dejected and discontented.
Where did I go wrong?
My mind started wondering like a restless homeless person who is searching for its own identity.
“It’s natural… people go through shit in life its normal you can’t make things perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist.” my friends tried to explain.
But there were even baffling questions waiting.
What about me?
What do I do now?
I don’t even feel like myself anymore.
I decided I had to do something. I couldn’t press ctrl+Z and expect everything to revert back to normal but I could at least try to regain what I lost.
I tried. It was a lengthy and nearly impossible-to-succeed process. A lot of it was hit and miss.
But it worked to some extent!
I am not letting anybody fuel my anxiety anymore.
I am not letting anybody to believe I am an all time available punching bag.
I put my own comfort first.
I apologized to people I felt I have hurt even a tiniest bit and freed myself.
I started polishing my skills that became stagnant over time.
I started living in the moment. This is the best feeling ever. It liberates you from fretting over a lot of potential problem that don’t even materialize.
Suddenly people started calling me ‘selfish’!
Not because I stopped caring for them, I never stopped, but because I started taking care of myself.
I have no Qualms about it whatsoever as this is how it should have been in the very first place.
If taking care of myself without hurting anybody else makes me look careless, selfish, impulsive, blunt…
I don’t give a tiny rat’s ass!
Because you can’t pour from an empty cup.
How can you possibly be helpful to anybody when you yourself are a confused fragile soul?
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