The journey we take to reach adulthood pretty much takes away our innocent smile, our carefree attitude, our stupid mistakes, our sharp wit, that ever-flickering spark of madness from us.
The courage we had when we used to fall down, get up, dust ourselves and start running again.
Our craziest dreams which made us believe we could vanish into thin air or we could jump off a cliff and then soar up in the sky like a mighty eagle.
Then we grow up. We get busy meeting expectations of everybody. Seriously EVERYBODY!!
We get busy with studies then job then getting married and having kids and so on. We are passing through phases laid by the crazy world we live in.
While running and jumping from one chapter of life to another we inadvertently lock our wit into the closet. We start faking our attitude and smile. We are scared of making mistakes. We lose strength and that astonishing faith in ourselves.
And then one day we have this gut wrenching revelation that we have lost ourselves. We have reached the cusp of becoming somebody we never wanted to be, or somebody we never thought we would be. And it jolts us to the very core.
“The bitterest thing in our today’s sorrow is the memory of our yesterday’s joy”- Khalil Gibran
Everybody is pushed to this point by different circumstances. In my case it was being helpless at the hands of an autoimmune disease. When I realized I can no longer match my own pace I was sprinting at, and there’s nothing anybody can do about it. And I could no longer live the way I am expected to by my loved ones.
Then I did something actually weird. Now I look back and wonder how on earth I came up with such an idea.
Well. I reached out to my very old friends; my childhood friends. Not the ones who saw me throughout my life. The friends I lost contact with long ago.
Total five of them. One of them never replied, not even to a “hello”. Another friend didn’t even let the conversation reach that depth. The rest of them actually helped. One of them just told me one word about me and that made me regain at least 20% of my lost confidence, that person would never be able to guess the magnitude of effect that one word had.
I had hearty conversations with the remaining two. It was therapeutic. Felt like somebody pushed the reset button of a confused and almost dysfunctional soul.
I didn’t exactly tell them what I am trying to do, they might end up taking me to a psychiatrist. I just talked to them about good old days. Focusing on who we used to be when we were kids, our craziest adventures, little achievements, our losses and our embarrassing moments.
I wouldn’t say that all of this made me a 10 year old again. But this assisted in attaining this believe that it’s not over yet!
I have been meaning to write about this for quite some time and in a very different way but this word “cusp” just triggered the urge to do it right now.
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