Helplessness that lead to Rejuvenation.

The journey we take to reach adulthood pretty much takes away our innocent smile, our carefree attitude, our stupid mistakes, our sharp wit, that ever-flickering spark of madness from us.

The courage we had when we used to fall down, get up, dust ourselves and start running again.

Our craziest dreams which made us believe we could vanish into thin air or we could jump off a cliff and then soar up in the sky like a mighty eagle.

Then we grow up. We get busy meeting expectations of everybody. Seriously EVERYBODY!!

We get busy with studies then job then getting married and having kids and so on. We are passing through phases laid by the crazy world we live in.

While running and jumping from one chapter of life to another we inadvertently lock our wit into the closet. We start faking our attitude and smile. We are scared of making mistakes. We lose strength and that astonishing faith in ourselves.

And then one day we have this gut wrenching revelation that we have lost ourselves.  We have reached the cusp of becoming somebody we never wanted to be, or somebody we never thought we would be. And it jolts us to the very core.

“The bitterest thing in our today’s sorrow is the memory of our yesterday’s joy”- Khalil Gibran

Everybody is pushed to this point by different circumstances. In my case it was being helpless at the hands of an autoimmune disease. When I realized I can no longer match my own pace I was sprinting at, and there’s nothing anybody can do about it. And I could no longer live the way I am expected to by my loved ones.

Then I did something actually weird. Now I look back and wonder how on earth I came up with such an idea.

Well. I reached out to my very old friends; my childhood friends. Not the ones who saw me throughout my life. The friends I lost contact with long ago.

Total five of them. One of them never replied, not even to a “hello”. Another friend didn’t even let the conversation reach that depth. The rest of them actually helped. One of them just told me one word about me and that made me regain at least 20% of my lost confidence, that person would never be able to guess the magnitude of effect that one word had.

I had hearty conversations with the remaining two. It was therapeutic. Felt like somebody pushed the reset button of a confused and almost dysfunctional soul.

I didn’t exactly tell them what I am trying to do, they might end up taking me to a psychiatrist. I just talked to them about good old days.  Focusing on who we used to be when we were kids, our craziest adventures, little achievements, our losses and our embarrassing moments.

I wouldn’t say that all of this made me a 10 year old again. But this assisted in attaining this believe that it’s not over yet!

I have been meaning to write about this for quite some time and in a very different way but this word “cusp” just triggered the urge to do it right now.

Cusp

Copyright © 2017 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved

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23 thoughts on “Helplessness that lead to Rejuvenation.

  1. Though I didn’t reach out to childhood friends after a long period of crisis in my life, I did reach back to the person I was as a child. I found her, but she also had an extra strength and more wisdom. I do see a psychiatrist, though. I struggled with a serious mental illness.

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      1. Right now I am still home after years on disability. I help my husband with his consulting work (research, writing). I also do some volunteer work for a bipolar support group.

        Finding new hobbies and interests has been important for my recovery. I’ve also revisited old loves, like music and dance, when for years they became absent from my life. I considered myself a dancer as a child and teen. I was quite good at it. I still move to and feel the music, but I also dance in other ways like “dance and flight of my mind and my fingers”.

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      2. Woww you have such an inspiring personality.
        Resorting back to old hobbies revive your soul and adopting new ones gives you incredible sense of achievement and confidence.
        I just ordered a guitar. Never played one. But i always wanted to learn an instrument.

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      3. Oh, I hope you do learn to play the guitar. I think playing any instrument is a wonderful way to combine creativity and physicality. I love guitar music too. Both acoustic and electric guitar music. Am I right to assume you bought an acoustic guitar?

        Thank you for the extremely sweet and generous statement about my personality. I have to say that I have encountered so many wonderful people on WordPress, like you.

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      4. Thanks for counting me in with the wonderful people.
        Its an acoustic. I dont even know if i will be able to play anything at all. But i was just thinking if this is something i wanted to do and now i have a chance what am i waiting for?
        Wordpress is that beautiful castle window that let you breathe and enjoy the view. This is the first time i am communicating with people here. I have shared my blog with a very close circle of friends.

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      5. I hope you don’t regret sharing your blog with more people. I’m glad you share on WordPress.

        I love sharing my blog with a large group of people. Especially others who love to write. Actually, I assume your circle of friends have taken an interest in your writing. For some reason the people closest to me (with the exception of my husband) do not.

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      6. Actually these are the friends who know me and understand me. They have been with me in really tough times. Most of them are not readers. Only 2 3 of them actually read.
        I came here for my own therapy. Didn’t care much about views and all. I could share it with my 250+ facebook friends i just didnt want to be judged on being myself.
        Just enjoying the anonymity.

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