We were having our routine late night philosophical session and I was pissed.
I asked “Is it really that difficult to ask if you want to know something or say what you want to say??
Why don’t people just ask directly??? What could go wrong?? They would get an answer!! They would get a closure? Who doesn’t want a closure?
Or why don’t they answer straight away? Why do they give silent treatment? Why do they avoid answering even simplest questions? Or give lamest possible excuses?
Wouldn’t it make our lives so much easier if we would just tell the truth? Unfiltered. No lying. No sugarcoating. No hide and seek.”
Her answer “I know you are right but this will never happen. That’s how people are and this is never going to change.”
Sadly she was right.
Then I came across a facebook post. Some girl posted an excerpt from the book “An Unsuitable Boy” by Karan Johar and I could relate to it a 100%. I could feel every single word of it in my bones, it was that spot-on.
It goes like this..
“Confrontation is such an underrated concept. But it’s so important in any relationship. It’s an Indian thing I think, of not sitting across and sorting a problem out. People won’t say I have a problem with you. They’ll insinuate, they’ll back off, they won’t message, they won’t call back, and they’ll sulk. It’s such a stupid waste of time. I used to be non-confrontational, but I’ve become confrontational because once too often I’ve been scarred by the lack of communication in a relationship. Always confront. Don’t allow things to fester. If you continue to suppress the emotion, it will explode in your face one day.”
The behavior is not restricted to India tough, such absurdity prevails almost everywhere.
You know what hurts the most? This gets worse with age. Most of the times, it’s our “mature” people, our “elders” who are guilty of this obtuse behavior. They assume that the best way to avoid endangering Harmony of a situation is to avoid conversation.
I have this very bad tendency of seeking answers. It really bothers me if I don’t. I blurt out whatever comes to my mind as long as it’s concerned to me and it doesn’t disrespect or hurt anybody. I do take care of my tone tough. It’s more of a conversation than confrontation.
This has landed me in trouble quite a lot of times just because my word did not coincide with the mindset of majority, but at least I am at peace with myself.
I do regret expecting answers but at least I don’t regret not trying to find out. I do regret being blunt at times but I don’t regret not saying what needs to be said.
Why sorting things out is such rare concept and why do we exert this overbearing load on our chests is beyond me.
Fester. Fester is the word for what we do to our tiniest concern which can be addressed in merely 15 to 30 minutes conversation, sometimes even shorter. One of the two things happens. Either it explodes in your face or your passion to crave for the closure fades away. It doesn’t sound that bad right?
But guess what it takes away with it?
It takes away your fondness and concern for the other person. You lose the connection that made you restless in the very first place. It may take time but eventually it’s bound to happen.
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