Let’s talk it out..

We were having our routine late night philosophical session and I was pissed.

I asked “Is it really that difficult to ask if you want to know something or say what you want to say??

Why don’t people just ask directly??? What could go wrong?? They would get an answer!! They would get a closure? Who doesn’t want a closure?

Or why don’t they answer straight away? Why do they give silent treatment? Why do they avoid answering even simplest questions? Or give lamest possible excuses?

Wouldn’t it make our lives so much easier if we would just tell the truth? Unfiltered. No lying. No sugarcoating. No hide and seek.”

Her answer “I know you are right but this will never happen. That’s how people are and this is never going to change.”

Sadly she was right.

Then I came across a facebook post. Some girl posted an excerpt from the book “An Unsuitable Boy” by Karan Johar and I could relate to it a 100%. I could feel every single word of it in my bones, it was that spot-on.

It goes like this..

“Confrontation is such an underrated concept. But it’s so important in any relationship. It’s an Indian thing I think, of not sitting across and sorting a problem out. People won’t say I have a problem with you. They’ll insinuate, they’ll back off, they won’t message, they won’t call back, and they’ll sulk. It’s such a stupid waste of time. I used to be non-confrontational, but I’ve become confrontational because once too often I’ve been scarred by the lack of communication in a relationship. Always confront. Don’t allow things to fester. If you continue to suppress the emotion, it will explode in your face one day.”

The behavior is not restricted to India tough, such absurdity prevails almost everywhere.

You know what hurts the most? This gets worse with age. Most of the times, it’s our “mature” people, our “elders” who are guilty of this obtuse behavior. They assume that the best way to avoid endangering Harmony of a situation is to avoid conversation.

I have this very bad tendency of seeking answers. It really bothers me if I don’t. I blurt out whatever comes to my mind as long as it’s concerned to me and it doesn’t disrespect or hurt anybody. I do take care of my tone tough. It’s more of a conversation than confrontation.

This has landed me in trouble quite a lot of times just because my word did not coincide with the mindset of majority, but at least I am at peace with myself.

I do regret expecting answers but at least I don’t regret not trying to find out. I do regret being blunt at times but I don’t regret not saying what needs to be said.

Why sorting things out is such rare concept and why do we exert this overbearing load on our chests is beyond me.

Fester. Fester is the word for what we do to our tiniest concern which can be addressed in merely 15 to 30 minutes conversation, sometimes even shorter. One of the two things happens. Either it explodes in your face or your passion to crave for the closure fades away. It doesn’t sound that bad right?

But guess what it takes away with it?

It takes away your fondness and concern for the other person. You lose the connection that made you restless in the very first place. It may take time but eventually it’s bound to happen.

 

Copyright © 2017 stoneronarollercoaster – All rights reserved

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19 thoughts on “Let’s talk it out..

  1. Not speaking what’s on my mind is not only unnatural to me, it is also at the root of 90% of all problems between people.
    No need to apologize for expressing yourself! If someone is hurt by your words, chances are this means you were right.
    Keep doing what you do to eliminate the festering silences between people!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Alright, I’ll carry on from where we left. I might be guilty of the same, I guess. But in my case, I think the reason is a bit different. And in no way, am I try to insinuate that other people are stupid. It’s just that I had always found trouble when I looked for people who can keep up with my convoluted thought process. There are few now but they came in my life after a long, long time. But I do not beat around the bush when it comes to things which are simpler to sort.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is different. Most of the times we feel any other average person cannot understand us. Its another form of complex and unfortunately the reason behind it is true. People are generally stupid. May be i am too. I do a lot of hain hain and what and why. then i actually understand.
      I am glad you finally have people who understand.

      The point of this post was really simple things. Like if you want somebody what they want to be they started giving you truck loads of excuses of why they want to be ..and never even clearly answer what they want to be. I hope i am making sense.

      I wrote it after an incident we found our long lost friend after like 12 15 years and when we asked where was he what happened it gave such stupid excuses and didnt answer. I mean if you are not happy about us finding you..just tell us. But no. Excuses!!

      Well chk ur mail

      Liked by 1 person

  3. you are right…most of us just back off….be silent….disappear….if they do not like to answer….or do not have an answer….the habit of confrontation is still at an infant stage….those who understood the value of it….are real happy and contended in life….
    Further I also sometimes feel …as to why people do not give straight answer….and beat around the bush….even in the official meetings….you ask them a question…you may get half of the Wikipedia….but not the answer….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thats right. And imagine when you are the one asking and you watch words doing ping pong or they go silent which is utter stupidity.
      Talk and close the frigging chapter.
      This is one of thw things that drive me over the edge.
      There was time when i was the one who used to go mute and hide. But now i say ‘bring it on. Lets talk’

      Liked by 1 person

      1. exactly..few years down the road we wondered what happened why we drifted.
        this post was a rant after we found our long lost friend who had no answer to where he was for about 10 years.
        its stupid. i asked him straight we will vanish if he is uncomfortable still he had no answer.
        initially i was worried if something went wrong with him but he started ignoring and being cranky so i just gave up.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. there may be reasons behind….he may not be finding the courage….or the need to divulge….the lost and found….generally doesn’t return the item in its original condition….you know….you may see some amount of weathering….

        Liked by 1 person

      3. its annoying and sad we missed him so terribly. he moved to other country some 16 years back we tried to stay in touch with him but gradually he just disappeared. last we heard from him was like 10 years back and all this time we kept looking and hoping he’s fine. now turns out he is quiet a celebrity. and when i asked how r u where are u?? he was answering i did this i have this.. its was weirdest convo with a friend. he didnt have an answer.
        he laughs and looks sad you can clearly read it but he doesnt want to even answer y he never bothered contact us. just stupid beating around the bush.
        so we assumes he just doesnt want us…

        Liked by 1 person

      4. hmmm….still hang on to the last strand of that hope….forgiving all that is presented….that may not be real…or an outcome of pre-decided intentions….the circle of influence and the circle of concern …in the case of celebrities never remain similar….still it all depends on the person…as it is said….if you change nothing….nothing changes….and for that reason…we can’t expect the warmth to be of same magnitude and at same place…where we left….

        Liked by 1 person

      5. that stand is fine….as long as you don’t sit regretting later….in this great stage of drama….we need to take care about the other’s part too….so the show has a happy ending….keep the thin thread connected….and continue….

        Liked by 1 person

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